*422 - panic attack #4

Waving my last byebyes to a roomful of ruggers, taking a careful look at every one of them because I realised it might be the last time I see almost all of them again (but I think only Just noticed). It's not that I'm particularly close to many of them, but these guys were part of my life in JC, from the early mornings at the ruggers' table, to the many trainings and matches I watched and supported, to studying in the library and then in the classrooms when the library closed at night.

The thought of all these "last"s, of leaving people who are familiar and reassuring to be around with (even if we're not very good friends), of realising that in a matter of days it will be the "last" with Justin and I can only see him a few times more and he will be stuck in camp when I fly off and I won't see him for more than a year after that and I don't want to leave him I don't I don't I don't.