And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes ...

*057 - more gym photos

Pretty photos thanks to Miss Lim!

Rainy Day



Classroom



Nightmare

*056 - truman

Watched the Truman Show today during GP. Brilliant plot, though the ending seemed a little rushed. But still, the whole concept was brilliant all the same.

Watched the rugby match against PJC today – they played well as usual, but had to stop because of the lightning. RJ won, yay (:

Justin’s dad gave me a lift all the way home from Choa Chu Kang, which took about 45 min! Gosh. Sat with Justin in the back seat, fell asleep with my hand in his, woke up and was deposited at my doorstep. What would I do without the boyfriend / the boyfriend’s daddy? Haha! <3

I’ve been faithfully going down for all the matches so far, but I’m afraid I’ll have to miss out on next Friday’s cos of Dance Night. But it’s in RI so I’m sure there’ll be loads of supporters, and I won’t be missed (:

Dance everyday from now till Dance Night, and that includes Sunday and Labour Day. Hmmm. Well, at least it’s something I enjoy doing! Give me the strength to keep pushing on.

*055 - rugby bear

Justin bought me this Raffles rugby bear! (: It shall join Tatty bear on my bed. Yay.

$25 only! It's for a good cause. Just ask any rugger if you want to buy one :D

*054 - headache

Had the worst headache ever during dance just now. It felt like my blood was all rushing to my head and threatening to blow it up. POW. Whenever I moved, or sat still for that matter, it was as if there were hammers pounding on the inside of my skull and knives slicing my brains into itty bitty pieces.

Spent most of my ‘spare’ time in between dances crouching on the floor grabbing at my head.

Really couldn’t take it so I left after the rehearsal and skipped zaki’s and gym ): Took more than 5 minutes to plod to the canteen because I had to stop and lean against a wall along the way.

Hopped into a cab and wallowed in excessive self pity, haha. Thanks a lot for the “are you okay”s and Panadol offers. (:

I doubt I’m actually down with anything. I guess it’s just my body’s way of telling me the petrol’s running out.

*053 - EEEEE

They can’t be that silly, can they?

And Shuyi goes “EEEEEEEE!!!” in the canteen so loudly I nearly have a heart attack. What were you thinking?! Hahaha XD

I didn’t sleep through physics prac for once, maybe because the gang leader of the Napping Table (aka Tubby) wasn’t there. Instead spent 2 hours talking to Liru Lizhan Yock, which proved to be very entertaining.

Rugby match against SRJC, RJ won 95-6, which is weird because the game is supposed to end after one side gets 80 points but I think the referee lost count. Was rather sad though, because I was the sole member of RRGCS present and I could only perform my camerawoman duties halfway because I had to leave for dance.


Don being lifted.


The leftmost green blur is Justin!

Xinqin’s and Bea’s dance was good as usual, I’m really glad we have such lovely i/c’s! You’ll never find them looking angry or shouting at us. And we cooperate because they’re simply so nice, which is a lot more pleasant than complying with people because they’re scary. Yay <3

Justin’s mummy sent me home after that, and I think I must have left a trail of dirt from the floor into her car. My legs and feet were grey with dust after all that dancing, ew.

Oh crap. It’s amazing how much blubber I’ve gained in the span of one week. Gaurghh.

And before I forget, hello stalker! :D (No Wenloong I’m not referring to you.) Hehehe.

*052 - gym concert photos (:

Gym concert photos are up here! To the gymnasts seeing this: you may save the photos for yourselves of course (:



I’ll also be getting photos from the photog people who were there at the concert snapping away! Yay.

du bist
eine kluge prognose
das prinzip hoffnung
ein leuchtstreifen aus der nacht
irgendwann find und lieb ich dich

Dancing to a song we do not understand, maiming the words as we try to sing along, hehe! Translation, anyone? (:

It makes me happy though, a different, deeper kind of happiness from the original para-para Ayumi fairyland song. Some might not agree, but I’m glad it’s different now.

*051 - rj vs sa

Rugby match against Saints today. Oolala so exciting to watch. Good job guys!



Sandhya was there, yay, cheering along like a true blue Rafflesian (which she is not)!



Team spirit (:

*050 - tramp comp

Came home for dinner for the first time in I’m-not-sure-how-long. Mummy was so pleased (:

Tiring, stuffy day watching the tramp comps. Biased judges, grumble grumble. Anyone could have seen for themselves who deserved the golds. Oh well, there are always politics in gym so I shan’t complain too much. But I’m glad the trampers put up a good performance today (:

Met laoshi who was skinny and purdy as ever ... Watching the lil RGS girls having fun on the mats made me feel like joining in and training too! I’ld much rather train with the school than with the combined school girls ... that was seriously stressful and tiring. It might be a motivation to some to train with people twice as pro as you, but I guess that didn’t quite work for me.

Dancing from morning to night, literally, on Saturday – which sucks because I really really wanted to go down to watch Singapore Opens. Rhythmic gymnasts from many countries are coming, how rare is that?! And of course, I want to watch (my favourite hehe) Melissa! AIYAH. Growl.

I’ve been slacking off way too much. Time to get back on track ... uh ... soon?

Offers from NTU – The squad’s absolutely amazing but I don’t think any of us are very capable. They throw the girls practically more than 1 storey high! Gosh. Spot on coordination too, and so so much energy. We’ll see what happens.

First rugby match tomorrow ... Can’t wait! All the best guys (: And tomorrow Sandhya and I shall welcome all new recruits into RRGCS with open arms!

And, I love this song.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Rambling and disjointed, as you can see. Blabbity blab. I realise this post has almost nothing to do with the title.

*049 - chingay (haha!) & gym concert photos

Notice the new picture link at the side? Haha yes, Chingay photos at last! I uploaded them a few months back but that was when diary-x crashed, and I forgot about them since.

Most disgusting costumes ever, but fun memories, much thanks to Just (: Hehe!

Gym concert photos up next (: Haven’t quite had the time to organise them into an album!

A taster:


MUAH!


Just dance! (finale)

And of course ...


RAWRR. Nightmare.

*048 - spark?

Lacking the ... spark.

Flexibility’s useless if that’s all I have.

Just a simple light-hearted comment, but it walloped my heart harder than you would think.

*047 - concert, night 2

IT’S OVER!!

I don’t know whether to be happy or sad but I’m definitely relieved of a huge burden. Thank you everybody for all the support along the way (: You guys know who you are (:

Nearly cried when I was hugging Melissa after the finale because it meant the end of Nightmare!! Never again!! But this year, it was by far the nicest performance we have ever put up together (: Most definitely!

But perhaps even more scary than nightmare was my eye today – I really hope the blood clot clears.



Funky right I know I’ve been showing it off the whole day! It must be the makeup, or the eyelash that refused to come out of my eye the day before.

On a lighter note, thank you for the flowers!



They’re so bright and cheery and pretty and I feel like a florist shop owner, it makes me grin to see them sitting in the jars (: Thank you all!!

[2 purple roses, 1 for each night (: 95 more to go! Hehee.]

Many more photos for another time, I’m so exhausted but I’m so happy tralala (:

*046 - Concert, Night 1

Thanks guys, really hope you enjoyed the concert ... I know it’s far from a professional performance, but I think we all tried our best (: And helped to raise money! Yay.

Thank you God for carrying us through (: Even when there were setbacks galore up to 1 hour before the concert – Changing the ending of the opening item due to teachers’ objections within 10 minutes was no mean feat. But it all worked out in the end.

One more night. And it’ll be the last gym concert ever for many of us. And the last time we perform Nightmare ever. And pretty much the last time I’ll do anything gym related ): Getting old and stiff lah! Hehe.

Thank you Just Justin Jaafhya (hehe)! It meant a lot to know you guys were in the audience (: Pretty flowers! (clockwise!)



And of course not forgetting XY&Dan for giving me a big hand for the show! Hehe <3



My camera dies when it is cold (which it is in the PAC) so I couldn’t take any photos :’( Everyone must send to me ok? Especially classroom photos because they’re the craziest costumes ever! XD

Good job guys, let’s keep it up for tonight! <3

*045 - thank yous

Some of us are trying so very hard, but some of you are making our efforts futile.

If you’re embarrassed at the performance you are putting up it’s your own fault, don’t drag the rest of us down please.

Thanks Sandhya for the encouragement last night (: And for your support! RRGCS (with a new recruit)!!

Thanks Just for letting me know you care (: I feel like printing it out and sticking it to my wall! Thanks so much!

Thanks Justin for calming me down and lending me your shoulder and reminding me ever so often to give it to God. I’ll do my best because I know you’re in the audience (: Love you.

Thanks to all the rhythmic girls (Amy Zhu Mel Mel Aster Zhixu Yihui Gerry Cynthia Maddy Annabelle) for cooperating and working hard, you’ll be stars tonight (:

Thanks to Linette who may never read this, I’ve said it all in the card (: You’ve lightened my burden so much and I’m really grateful!

Thanks to Mummy who has been listening to my troubles and sewing costumes galore. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. Thanks to the family too who are all coming down, inclusive of the grandmother! Wah.

And thanks to everybody else who is supporting us (: (The ruggers, XY & D, etc!) Remember, it’s all for a good cause! Hehe.

Off to pack and -heart thumps- it’s going to be tonight soon.

*044 - bananahead

This is for Amy!

Remember the moth settling on the pillar at the windy benches? Not sure if you do but anyway, I saw it again and snapped a photo of it for you (:



In almost every single (uncreative) letter I’ve written to you, I’ve probably mentioned something to do with ‘ups and downs’. Well I think during the past few weeks our highs hit the sky and our lows went beneath sea-level. But thanks for sticking it through with me and since this theoretically is a closure to our gymnastics life (so many years already!) let’s make it spectacular (:

-dancing banana-!

Cutest Easter eggs ever from Jon Koh! Thanks (:



Apparently if you put them into water they’ll become towels but I think they’re terribly cute as they are – dried and compressed in the shape of eggs!

Miss Lim went through our results one by one today ... ABCC, B for GP and A1 for PW. Most surprisingly, she said my results were fine (hah!) and she wasn’t worried at all about me. Well, thank God for seeing me through the tests (: Especially PW! Recalling how much I was griping about it last year, I’m just glad that PW is now officially a thing of the past, so all the tears and tantrums didn’t come to nothing after all (:

Interesting talks with Lizhan and Liru in school today – arguing about prejudices and stupid people and our futures ... I’m beginning to realise I actually do agree with some of Lizhan’s views which is a frightening thought, haha!

Tomorrow is going to be ‘today’ soon. Really really pray it’ll go well. Thanks to everybody who’s supporting us ... your presence, at this very moment, means a lot more than all the donations you can give. (DON’T let my teachers know, it’s not supposed to be that way since this is a fund-raising effort! :P) But yes, thank you all (:

*043 - mumblemumble.

Happy 413! (13th April) It’s my ex-class “birthday” (:

On one hand, I miss those RGS days ... on the other, I don’t really. Life seemed a lot simpler then, but life’s always like that on retrospect. Shrug.

-

The first thing I did when I stepped into the house tonight was to trip and tumble onto the floor with my armful of bags. Gave Daddy quite a shock.

Too tired to do any work. Too tired to think. Too tired to even bother to eat.

Yelled myself hoarse today, but even so I know I’m way too soft-spoken. The best I can do to get everyone’s attention is to go “SHHHH. Please listen to me? Hello hello? Mumble mumble mumble.” Damn lousy, I know. I wasn’t born to be Colonel Evelyn.

Okay, time to sleep.

And thank you to all my dear friends who have been encouraging me and putting up with my angsty nonsense <3 It’ll be over soon, I promise.

*042 - zzz

Someone teach me how to sleep comfortably on tables without cutting off the blood circulation in my arms, legs or worse yet boobs! Yes, I’m spineless, so sitting back in the chair and closing my eyes is not an option because I’ll most probably slither all the way down to the ground.

I’m sleeping in school so much nowadays. It’s practically become a daily ritual. I don’t think anyone would believe me if I tell them that the first time I ever fell asleep in school was last year, and that happened just a handful of times throughout the year.

Everyday, without fail, someone would ask me if I’m okay, or if I’m very tired, or if I’m stressed.

In my stress-induced tantrums, I’ve hurt too many people. And mostly, they’re the people who matter. Sorry ):

I’m just terrified. My heart can’t stop racing.

I wanna be superwoman.


[Aiyoh, forever so angsty! Gross. Stop it Evelyn, stop it.]

*041 - moonlit dance

All alone aside from the moon in the sky (no stars tonight). Sitting on the dirt with tufts of weeds between my toes. Absolutely quiet, except for the sobs. Struggling to breathe. Noone to turn to for comfort, the one person I can open up to wasn’t there.

Dancing prettily between the vandalised metal barriers in the moonlight, hoping that I could forget my troubles for just an instant (while worrying that someone would see me and think I’m a ghost, or madwoman).


Praying, crying, praying again.

Remembering the verse Gerry sent: “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.”

And then back to training. To try and face the friends I had abandoned for the past hour with whatever scraps of dignity I had remaining.

*040 - dead people

Listening to scary music while ash from the next-door columbarium thickens in the air is not very pleasant.

“AHH something got into my eye!”
“AHH that means there are dead people in your eye!!”

Yup, back to school on a Sunday again. Scared away 2 boys from the area with our music, I think.

*039 - born to dance

LOOK AT THAT ARCH. And the turn out. And how it all seems so effortless.

-wistful sigh-

I wish I could say I was born to dance, but I’ve always been too fat, too chunky and cursed with knees that don’t really look straight and a general inability to dance beautifully. I love dancing, I really do, I’m just not very good at it. Watching myself on videos makes me cringe.

*038 - random photos

Just a couple of photos for today!

Last week’s Chem prac required us to wear goggles and gloves, which was terribly fun and made us feel hilariously goofy. Huiwen, Gabrielle and I peer at our test tubes in nerdy delight.



Lizhan proudly holds up his positive Tollen’s test (silver mirror! Very very pretty and shiny!) while I sadly reveal a floating grey lump in my test tube. I think I forgot to add ammonia, hahaha.



A closer look:



I learnt one thing from that practical – Benzaldehyde smells like almond jelly. Yum.

In the PAC, Justin the manicurist is hard at work!



Tubby has lovely pink fingernails.



ORA today was pretty uneventful for me. I was coerced into waving pompoms with some of the dancers at the starting line of the Raffles Trail for about 10 seconds, which was incredibly daft! But at least we got to stand next to the PM, and he waved at us teeheehee!

The stalls were so crowded and everything was expensive, and I was drained of my money before long! Rushed off for Xinqin/Bea’s dance which made me realise that once gym night is over, I better work really really hard at all my dances. Because I kinda suck at all of them, ugh.

Watched Ice Age 2 with the boyfriend after that. Very very cute! Very funny too.



A little short, though, just as animations usually are.

I am tired, and maybe I should sleep early tonight for the first time in weeks.

Happy Month-nivarsary dear <3!

*037 - full dress

Full dress wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was a marked improvement from the run through I think. Though there is much to work on!

Nightmare was cool, though! Maddy told us the middle bit was very much nicer than before – and the funniest thing is that we completely messed up all the steps. But no one noticed!

The both of us did a sequence wrongly, didn’t realise in time, and just continued doing it ... until we reached the point where we realised we were supposed to do that sequence now and not then. So we just rubbished our way through and invented the steps and somehow managed to do it together by copying each other’s movements out of the corner of our eyes. Haha! Are we pro or not?

Ooh so fun. I’ll be so sad when it’s over, despite all the stress I’ve been under. It’ll mark the end of my “gymnastics career” and I sure will miss it. And secondly, I’ll never get to perform with Mel again – I remember how sad we were when I was in Sec 4 after the concert, we were hugging and jumping and laughing and crying and ended up rolling on the floor.

Really thank God for her super speedy recovery – Just about a week ago she could scarcely walk from the pain. And thank God for putting everything in place ... Completely broke down right before the rehearsal, but I feel quite a bit more at ease now.

Trust in Him, Evelyn, don’t forget that. I need to remember to draw from His strength and not my own.

*036 - snappp

You know you’re really really tired when you cry till your pillow’s soggy and you can’t breathe properly, but fall asleep in the middle of it all simply because your body cannot take it anymore.

All I want is someone to hold me tight and tell me it’ll all be okay.

The last time I’ve been this tired was some time last year I think when I nearly fell asleep while walking. And this makes me unbelievably cranky. Snappity snap snap.


PS: Buy tickets, thanks.

PPS: I’m drowning in my fats. Someone stop my binging episodes please.

*035 - find rest

After walking through less than a minute’s worth of steps half heartedly with about 5% of my energy, I was dizzy and faint and aching and panting. [Sorry Xinqin & Beatrice, I really was on the verge of collapsing )’:]

The continual sleep deficit is wrecking both my brain and body. The gears in my head are grinding along slowly, and walking up a flight of stairs is enough to make my heart race.

Suppressing the tears ain’t easy, but friends really help a lot. Anything from carrying my stuff for me (thanks Tubby!) and the Weekly Physics Prac Napping Table which comes hand in hand with amusingly idiotic incidences (rampant when JonKoh’s on a roll with his puns) and even the littlest things like a simple hello, or sitting next to me during lessons (<3 Liru), or squeezing my hand for that instant in the car (<3 Justin).

Yup, it all makes a difference to me (:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
And I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
For I am gentle and humble in heart,
And you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

- Matthew 11:28 - 30

*034 - nightmare

RAWR.


Watch out for us (in the gym concert!) because we’re your Nightmare come true. Mwahaha.

Danced in the canteen on Saturday and actually managed to finish choreography for the slow part. Finished the entire thing today! Now we just need more practice, when her back isn’t injured anymore. Yay (: Thank God for giving us lots of ideas to work with! And her back’s getting better quite quickly, which goes to show prayer does work (:

Thank God for Justin’s parents too who sent me to church, sent me to his place to change, sent me home to pick up some stuff I forgot, sent us to school (rugby for him and gym for me, yes, on a Sunday), and would have sent me home if I didn’t decide to leave later.

I realise I haven’t done any homework since the week before the March holidays. HM.

*033 - dance photos

Took photos for Evelyn’s dance (for the programme booklet) just now. It was more strenuous than I thought and I ended up taking a bath half an hour after taking my bath because I sweat so much, haha! I’m not sure if it’s what she’s looking for but I like them anyway (: Much thanks to my sister with her amazing camera and photography skills!

I had to try on various flowy skirts (4 different colours and designs) and jump about 50 times for each skirt. Phew.

We learnt a good lesson of not taking photos in the evening, because check out how the photos all turned out:


But of course, with my marvellous photoshop skills I was able to transform them into this!


I think I look like a painting, hehe. This is my favourite photo by far!

Tried out this ‘tabletop jump’ too for variation. It’s also a jump we’re using in the dance. Which I can’t quite do because my legs aren’t parallel to the ground at all but I tried my best.


My hair is in the shape of a heart, hahaha.

And this wasn’t for the dance but just for fun! Because I was getting sick of doing the tabletop jump and decided to do the gym version just for kicks. It’s not great because I didn’t stretch at all before all this.


My sister stared at this photo and had some difficulty distinguishing my legs from my arms, HAHA.

Ok enough narcissism.