*697 - toenail bits

I was cheerfully, leisurely making my way up the stairs to my room, when I suddenly found myself faceplanted on the steps, with a scrape on my knee and a crack in my toenail (ouch). Squatted on the steps momentarily pressing my toenail, willing it to fuse back to my skin, remembering the last time I fell up the stairs in an embarrassingly similar situation (result: largest bruise in my life from the top of my foot to mid-shin).

Just thought that was funny :D

*696 - run

Do you not understand? Was it not obvious? I have had enough!

I hate confrontation or uncomfortable situations. Where the awkwardness, hurt, shock, rejection, are thickly tangible. You force me to claw my way through and say it bluntly in your face.


For more reasons than one, I am eager to go home. To run away from situation #1, situation #2, situation #3, situation #4. I am spinning a silk web that is a little too delicate for me to maintain.


(Afterthought: life is a lot less dramatic on retrospect.)

*695 - beautiful night

Each semester is a different chapter, characterized by different secrets and stories. The fourth one's ending, and then, two more.

Chapter One: Growing up; changing; learning; betraying; loving; breaking. (Unpredictable.)
Chapter Two: Two broken hearts; rainbows and raspberries; winter to spring. (Happy.)
Chapter Three: Insecurities; lies; confusion; rebellion. (Unhappy.)
Chapter Four: Search for happiness, search for love, search for self; discovery; choice; escape. (Fascinating.)

*694 - home

So it seems like I'll be heading home for my internship this summer. Heat waves, little concrete city, Singlish, chicken rice, efficient public transport, legal drinking, etc, here I come!

What I miss most about Singapore: the family. No question about that.

*693 - bed

My body's on the verge of giving up. It's so battered that even thinking about breathing normally while sleeping is too much for it to handle.

It's definitely the unfortunate consequence of lack of sleep, intense stress, unhealthy eating habits, and dancing on average 3 hours a day. Poor body has no time to recover.

It's now 2.30 am, and we just finished our development paper which we have been working on non-stop for the last 2 weeks or so. It's certainly a load off my mind, but that's just one load.

Rather excited at the thought of going to sleep now, although I have to get up at 7. Bed. Ahh.

*692 - no one is the only one

Remember the last time it was spring? It tried to creep up on us but we noticed every fuzzy green leaf unfurling, every pink flower bud poking its head out at us.

I realize that this year, spring has kind of crept up on me and I haven't been noticing, really. Suddenly, there are full-bloomed purple pansies perched by the road. Yellow tulips. The trees outside have started budding. And since when did the grass decide to turn green again?

Spring is rather ambiguous this year, though. Dried out grey muck next to thriving green leaves. Snow (in April!) one day and 50 degree weather the next. Well, that's Ithaca.

-

Rather burned out. Yesterday saw me sprawled across a Statler couch with Chae (development project) and Jenny (service ops project) on either side of me, Inshi (HR) on the phone, on the verge of tears over the sheer amount of work I had to get done in the next 5 hours, 1 day, 2 days, 1 week, 3 weeks, lifetime. And I'm generally pretty chill about deadlines and studying. Understandably, the friends were rather surprised.

Ate monstrously sized onion rings and so many Reeses' Pieces that I almost threw up over my stupid floor plans and HR notes. Headed home to work on an 18-page HR paper till 3 am. Staggered out to the bathroom when I was done and found Jon staggering back home from school. Oh, Hotelies.

Was immensely thankful for friends like Inshi who called me up periodically to check on me. At times like those, in times like these, I just think "uh huh, best girl friends >>> boys". What will I do without her next year?? Boys come and go way too fast (or maybe I push them out way too fast) but whatever it is, your good gal pals are the ones who stick by you without motive, without expectation, without complication.

*691 - no time for goodbye

Familiar faces in dimly lit rooms, but most of them are not the point.

Too many people to meet, too many accidental awkward meetings with people who should not meet.

(You are trying to protect me from each other. I'll protect myself.)

Crisp night air and dried worms on the ground that usually make me cry.

Green seedless monster grapes, red wine, French braids.

(You have a temper; you are perceptive; your temper was justified.)

Exciting 3 am taxi rides on walking pavements instead of on the road.

Fashion disaster: slinky top, men's sweats, size 10 flipflops, plaid fedora, houndstooth coat.

Tipsy attempts at break dancing, tipsy attempts at Michael Jackson-type grooving.

I was not there.

(I'm sorry.)

Early mornings, beautiful sunshine, brunch with eggs Alaska and a little puppy.

(You don't know me; I don't know me.)

*690 - respect

I think I deserved more than that
I think I deserve more than that
Now that the roles are reversed
Me, you, you, me
I'm not sure how to continue
How to end

*689 - absolut citron

That's what friends are for - to sit next to you while you're throwing up (ew) and to hoist you into bed when all you can do is sit on the bathroom floor with your arms around the toilet bowl. Too many shots in too little time, oopsies. Intensely thankful for E, for looking after me.

Nursing my hangover with a mug of hot water (which is making me feel like puking but it seems like a logical remedy) and fretting over the amount of work that I have to get done later today. It's a most gorgeous day, though, almost 50 degrees F out and sunny. Picnic later, I'm happy :)

*688 - perspective

Life is so fragile. Sometimes it takes a big WHAM to put things into perspective.

I don't really know what to say or do. I'm so upset that I didn't know earlier. I wish I were there to just ... be there for you. I'll be praying really hard. God will make everything better day by day, I promise! Sending you all the love I have from across the globe. Stay strong.

:(