Anyway. Just received the gym concert DVD today, and it was quite fun to watch! (: A lot of items which felt horrible kinda looks nicer from afar, hehe. Like the classroom item was actually rather cute and funny! It wasn't a perfect concert of course, but I'm still really really proud of us! Love all my fellow gymnasts (:
I still remember the pre-concert days, all the stress and screaming and crying, all the problems building up in quick succession (people pulling out, injuries, no time, etc), even up to the final (literarily) few minutes, we had to change choreography and pray for the best. But it was well worth the tears (which is what we always say on retrospect when the stress and the trauma has subsided). Hehehe.
All my items! (:
So.
It's all been a facade, really. It's hard to stay strong and pretend to be happy, or at least, not sad, all the time. Only she really knows how I feel. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like giving up on myself, like it's no use, like I'm no use. Trudging around school everyday, feigning enthusiasm and cheeriness. Pretending to brush it off as something not so important, when it's actually eating away at me. Superficial and shallow moments of sunny happiness. Laughing when I can, trying to bluff myself into thinking I'm perfectly alright. Trying to tell myself I can do it, telling myself I can't. Trying my best to be optimistic, trying my best to focus on what's before me, trying to push that little mocking voice away. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what I can accomplish. I don't know if I'm capable.
I've been too proud to admit it. All the pretence for a semblance of strength.
There, I said it.
[edit] Thank you Just. Sometimes you just need someone to rattle you around and plop you back on the right path (: [/edit]