*162 - flighty

I've been so utterly moody these few days. It's a feeling of "help I have so much to do to apply for university and I'm spending so much time on the applications that I haven't studied for the past I-don't-know-how-long and therefore I'm not going to do remotely well for Prelims so how the heck am I going to get into any good university no matter how brilliant my application is".

Yeah, that's a pretty long emotion.

But I really do feel like ripping my hair out now, or somebody else's perhaps.

No lah, I am sweet and unviolent by nature. Giggle giggle eyelid flutter giggle!

SFDAL;JKJGAZLK;HG%@$!!

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I should just thank God now for a family like mine. Name any course any university, Daddy will tell me all about it. Beg The Sister to save me, and she'll zoom over right away to correct my grammar or fix a knotty sentence or pat me on the head. And Mummy's just Mummy, nagging at me to sleep more and telling me she's praying hard for me and doing all sorts of lovely things.

(I realise, with utmost sadness, that in times like these I haven't got much to say about The Brother. I think it has something to do with the 9 years age gap - not the fact that it's a large gap, although it is, but because the timing was such that while I was growing up, Joel wasn't around. NS followed by Cornell meant 6 years of him not quite being part of my life. It's sad, it really is. Well, maybe some day ...)

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On another note but not really, I realise that while my grammar is generally fine and my vocab is okay, I've lost the ability to express myself perfectly in words. Elisa throws her hands up in despair and feels like crying when reading my essays. I talk like a Science student, I write like a Science student. It takes a great deal of effort to write down what I feel in essays, I might have all the passion in the world but when I try to put it in words everything sounds cliched and dull and it gives me the goosebumps.

I know I've said this a milliontrilliongazillion times over, but I wish I could write.

I fear for my GP grades. Zero content + zero writing skills = zero marks. Damn.

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I am dying from a lack of sleep. Trying to force my eyelids open in class is no joke. Trying to force my eyelids open now is also no joke.

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Rather flighty thoughts today.

Back to trying to salvage my essays from the shreds they are in now, to create a MASTERPIECE!! (Haha. Ha. Ha. Aren't I funny.)

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(I just realised the irony of writing the above 2 sentences consecutively.)

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(It is also rather ironic that as I write laudingly (I know there's no such word as laudingly but I can't think of how to phrase it) about my business in one of the essays, I simultaneously receive a bulk order of $80 worth of earrings, which makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because knowing people like my stuff thrills me, sad because I have to make the earrings, especially since I'm in a stressed-out hair-pulling state right now. Order includes Allegro and Michelle, which are creeping into the Top 5 Wanted Earrings, and which are also rather painful to make.

Just sent a panic SMS to Elisa saying "COME HOME SOON YOUR SISTER NEEDS YOU". Wail.)

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(And this is the ultimate!! Minutes after I typed the above chunk, Michelle herself orders Allegro. Talk about amazing timing and coincidence! :D )

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This has been a longer-than-usual post and I bet noone but Wenloong would have read the entire post, yes Wenloong? ;) Hehe!