Annoyed, annoyed, annoyed.
I know I'm fat and jiggly and resemble a podgy walrus (see above), and I beat myself up over it from time to time, but it really doesn't help things when Mummy tells me ever so often to stop wearing skirts and please hide my legs because they're huge and ugly, and lately she's been reminding me to go buy new undies and to please look for at least size L because my butt's decidedly Large.
I know my general bone structure is really broad, I know my legs are like tree trunks, I know my tummy's jelly-like, I know my ass is big as a bus, I know my arms (and heck everything else too) jiggle when I move. I also know I have absolutely no willpower to diet properly and yeah I suck. When I jog my sister warns me I'm going to get thunder thighs (or thunderier thighs to be exact). When I swim my brother tells me soon I'll be looking like J ocelyn Yeo.
So I'm thinking that since I can't exercise maybe I should try to get my muscles to atrophy by just sitting still (but actually my butt's only getting larger) and try to be abstemious in my eating but that doesn't work because I get hungrier that way and when I get hungrier I eat more and tend to binge binge binge so I'm even worse off than if I just eat normally.
Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't be as obsessive over the fact that I'm fat, and maybe all this flab wouldn't matter so much, if it wasn't for gym, where everyone else was so skinny (and they still are) and there were mirrors all around and the coach used to weigh me and announce to the gym my weight and tell me to lose at least 4 kg in 3 months and tell me I'm looking heavier and heavier and that without all that extra flab I would be a lot better and get me to wear stupid purple plastic trashbaggy outfits and run in them to make me sweat more and when I took them off I would be standing in a pool of sweat (she didn't realise all I lost was water & salt & self-esteem and gained severe heatstroke at the same time) and -
Oh whatever, I should just shut up and go drown my sorrows in a cup of low fat yoghurt with natural fruit bits or something.
(Forget it, I don't even have yoghurt in my fridge.)