So many mixed feelings. Nightly, I'm pooped and flop into bed early with extreme fatigue from running from appointment to appointment everyday, woozy from sun exposure, headachey from dehydration because I generally suck at drinking enough liquids. But I lie awake for hours and then stir again in the wee hours of the morning, thoughts churning and preventing me from sleeping or going back to sleep.
One, there is the whole "It's Complicated" thing to worry about. Two, the stress of finding (a) a roomie and (b) a room in SF. Three and most poignantly for now, the haunting question every friend and family member asks me for which I cannot find a clear answer in my heart: "so are you coming back to Singapore eventually?"
There are many little pieces to weigh and juggle and inspect and taste, holding up against the light, breathing in deeply or gurgling sips through the teeth or chewing thoughtfully, trying to find matching pieces of the jigsaw to make a whole and coherent picture without having the end goal to refer to. (That applies to all three.) The commentary in my head switches sides in the blink of an eye; do I really have to know the answer right now? (That applies to the last.)