Ironically here in the middle of Arkansas, through a colleague's colleague's colleague I found myself invited to a dinner table-ful of Chinese girls (not what I was expecting when I turned up, was very surprised) and now have more Chinese friends than I've had in ... years. And this is ironic because SF is 1/3 Asian but the ones I do know are pretty much fully acculturated.
So here I am reminded yet again that I am neither here nor there. The Chinese friends have to switch to broken English to communicate with this girl here who looks perfectly Chinese but can only understand slightly and definitely not speak the language, they hang on tightly to their roots while I'm virtually culture-neutral, they actively seek and feel at home with people from their background while I feel generally out of place in either situation.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Asian roots, I love my Asian food, I'm proud of my country in many ways and still call it home. But I embrace parts of where I am right now and have adapted to where I am in multiple ways, and can adapt back to an extent whenever the situation calls for it. It's an internal struggle of feeling authentic and wondering who I would be if ever dropped into in a vacuum of context.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Evelyn
I close my eyes and imagine the dark hills I would have to cross / to reach you. For I am in love with you / and this is what it is like or what it is like in words.
Carol Ann Duffy
When I grow up, I'd like to be a cream puff. A cream puff with apricots, or even a plain one. Lukewarm at the bakery. In the window.
Jeux d'enfants
No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
Samuel Beckett