*565 - for you

So now there's a little more sense of closure to the chapter of my life that lasted a lovely >3 years. This is probably a bit belated because it's been some 2 or 3 months since that Sunday when I was pacing outside Quiznos right after church, clutching my phone to my ear.

Those >3 years. It was like driving down a dirt road while watching the sunset - we kept our eyes on the beauty in front of us amidst all the hard bumps, but in the end, it all slowly faded away.

I'm sorry that I did what I did. I'm sorry for hurting you all those times. I was a lousy girlfriend. I started off rather dim-witted about relationships and all things related. I'm better now, but I guess it's a little too late for you to find out for yourself. But thank you for changing me, and thank you for loving me despite everything. (I meant for that sentence to be in past tense, but I'm not sure how to phrase it.)

It kind of felt as though we faded away but never really put a fullstop to it. At least, for me. Just so you know, I haven't managed to take off my ring and keep it off. I've taken it off my finger, fiddled around with it, switched fingers, left it lying around - but I always put it back on.

We didn't talk much just an hour ago, but somehow there's a fullstop right at the end now. And looking at that fullstop makes me feel a strange sense of loss. 2 or 3 months ago, it was relief. 2 or 3 months later, I'm finally feeling the blow. Maybe I'll go have a good bawl and then turn the page.

I'm sorry. I really loved you. I really treasured you. You showed me what it was like to be loved. And I'm really thankful for what we had. I hope you don't ever forget that.