*315 - samba through life with me

Meant to say this a while ago, but it kinda slipped my mind. Something Pastor Prince said smacked me in the face during sermon this Sunday, because I found my answer to someone's passing comment from weeks ago.

Jesus ate and drank with the sinners. Not to stoop to their level, but to bring them up to his.

You don't have to be "holy". That's what religion says. But my God's not like that. He loves all of us. But more importantly, He loves you, yes, you.

(:

Anyway, I'm feeling all better after the 2 days of extreme grouchiness. My outlook on life is always optimistic, because:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Whatever happens, it'll always work out to be a good thing, no matter how bad it seems at the moment. Because God's paving the way to a superduperfabbydabbydoo future for me! That has always been my comfort, and things always turn out beautifully in the end.

Much love to the people who dropped me a message or talked to me, and especially to Shirin for that beautiful email (:

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And because I'm in a good mood from cute-boy-overdose (heh heh) here are some cheery pictures from the last time we had a mini-photoshoot, which gasp means that Elisa and Evelyn is going to be updated soon!!






Okay, enough of the silly third person speech.

After looking through some of my silly photos and chortling unglamorously over them, I asked Elisa, "Um, do I actually look like this in real life?" Her immediate reply: "Yup."

Whoah. So maybe the only person I'm amusing is myself when I show people my silly photos, because everyone else is used to me looking like that. Hmm.

Anyway, this last one is for the one and only Banana who loves sunflowers (:



Evidently, Lychee loves sunflowers too (: Haha, when are we next meeting!

*314 - how insensitive

How insensitive I must have seemed
When he told me that he loved me
How unmoved and cold I must have seemed
When he said it so sincerely

Why, he must have asked
Did I just turn and stare in icy silence?
What was I to do? What can you do?
when a love affair is over?

Now he's gone away and I'm alone with
The memory of his last look
Vague and drawn and sad, I see it still
All the heartbreak of his last look.

They keep cutting our hours. Turns out that this week, I'm only going to be earning a meagre $45. That's even less than what my allowance used to be.

Thinking of finding another job.

Woke up with big fat double eyelids (they're usually more foldy than that) this morning. I miss Liru, who would have taken one look at me and known that I bawled up a storm last night, while noone else would have noticed a thing.

Sometimes, you go to sleep, and wake up, and everything's sunshiney again.

Today isn't one of those days.

Cry, do some rubbish, cry, go to sleep, wake up, cry, cry, cry again.

I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. I can see your underlying intentions. It's not just about that, is it. But I don't get why you have to do it that way. Why tear away the one remaining thing that I'm clinging on to so tightly now. The one thing that keeps me sane, the one thing that keeps me happy even though a huge part of my life just crumbled away. Do you realise how much this is hurting me? Do you realise how painful it was for me to break off from a relationship and how much it took for me to stay smiling? Maybe if I had a nervous breakdown and developed a psychological disorder and sobbed myself into a useless puddle for at least a few weeks, you might be a tad more compassionate and understanding now. Does choosing happiness over depression indicate flippancy? Does it mean I'm just toying with boys and making rash decisions? Shouldn't you be happy that your daughter is handling her emotions so well? Or would you rather her miserable and broken? Just to prove something to yourself? Don't you want me to be happy?

But what hurts me most is that the trust that you once placed on me seems to have vanished.

I'm trying to do everything right, but everything's just going wrong.

Lord, what am I supposed to do?

*313 - flippant

Flippant. Flippant!

When did flippancy come into the picture?

Haven't bawled so long and so hard in a while.

*312 - family outing

Finally, the parents got to see the place where I work. Apart from the fact that we all froze to death, I think they liked it (:

Trooped off to Haagen Dazs for 6 scoops of icecream after that! Gorged ourselves a second time that night, and totally created a ruckus in the cafe in our phototaking frenzy.

Theme of the night: Spooning. Winkwink.








(As usual, I look at the 3 of us kids, and laugh at how we look impossibly unrelated to each other. Our features are all so different. Or is it just me? Do we look like siblings to you?)

And hey look, Elisa's developing another dimple! She used to have only one, on the right (to match mine, on the left). I aso want. Hm.

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Rachael Yamagata and Fiona Apple sound awfully similar. I adore them both, their music is amazing, and I love their quirky songs. And the strangest thing is that their voices are very unique, but in the same way, which makes them not exclusively unique, but what I mean is that they're unique from everyone else, well, to me at least.

Everything's falling and I am included in that
How I try to be just okay
But all I ever really wanted was a little piece of you

And everybody's talking how I can't can't be your love
But I want want want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

*311 - so close your eyes

(With Elisa's sexy secretary specs.)

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I've been so pampered as of late, so much so that taking the bus to town now seems like a dreadful chore. Dear me. It must be so awesome being able to drive and having a car at your disposal. Mmm. Perhaps I should get cracking and sign up for driving lessons soon, heh heh.

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It's kind of funny seeing that ever since I turned 18 last May, I never felt inclined to watch any M-18 shows, until last month, and since then I've watched 2 more. Some horrible alien show (but I watched it with the best company possible so that's okay), Babel (very thought-provoking and artistic, loved it) and Little Children (droll at times but acutely poignant, loved it too).

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Not counting the angbao from my parents, I got more angbao money visiting the home of, um, an "unrelative" than the amount I received from my relatives. Then again, I don't even know how those "relatives" are related to me, and I didn't go visiting. I'm not complaining of course, and in all honesty I would be perfectly happy with no angbao money at all, but just saying, because I think it's funny.

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Last night was my worst night at work ever. The day was good, because of some friendly, chatty customers, and because Justin Wenloong Tubby paid me a visit. (Thanks boys!) But the night sucked, I just got so fed up with the crowd. (Plus, we were out of forks. And everybody needs forks, how can I blame them for getting impatient?) Come to think about it, I've always had a genuine smile on my face when I serve customers because it's fun, really it is, but last night was the first time I had to plaster it on.

-

I've been neglecting my E&E customers. But I'm getting tired of making earrings. The inspiration tends to come in waves, so I'll be bouncing back soon, I promise.

-
So close your eyes
For thats a lovely way to be
Aware of things your heart alone was meant to see
The fundamental loneliness goes whenever two can dream a dream together

Try listening to Olivia, a Singaporean singer. (Especially if you like bossa nova.) I'm a fan! I'm usually very sceptical of anything to do with the local arts scene (whoopsies) but I'm in love with this girl's voice.

Plus, she reminds me of something ... very special. (:

*310 - oinkoink

Step into our house, and you won't see anything Chinese New Year-ish apart from the basket of mandarin oranges and loveletters on the bar counter. CNY's always a quiet affair, with our little reunion dinner, a number of angpao's, little/no visiting, little/no visitors.

All the relatives are in Malaysia, what to do?

But I don't mind at all. (: Spent a lovely day bumming at home (how long has it been since I've done that?) despite efforts from various people to drag me out of the house. Had something apart from steamboat for the first time in years - my favourite dish being the salmon, cooked Chinese style, and underdone, just the way I like it. Mm mm.



With Joel having just uncorked the bottle and me sniffing the white wine - gong xi fa cai from the Chans! All looking as though we just hopped out of bed, everybody bearing practically no physical resemblance to everyone else. It's funny, isn't it?



And here's the salmon! :D



Elisa & I also baked pumpkin pie, which sounds funny to me because pumpkin pie is more suited for Thanksgiving or Christmas and not so much Chinese New Year. But yummy nonetheless. (:





I had been itching to try out this recipe that I got from Becky some time back, and so I did! Cinnamon and maple syrup cookies! I should have rolled the dough out thinner so that they would be more swirly, but the dough was so soft and practically melting in my hands that I had to whip everything up in a jiffy. Hence the thick clumsy swirls.

But they taste good and crunchy, and I cut down on the sugar and syrup, so yay! Success lah. (:



And to round off the night - mahjong! Possibly my 2nd time playing (last time was last CNY). I won one game, and lost all the rest, ie. I lost more than $10 in total. HAHA. But Daddy was kind and we ended up not playing real money, so my finances are still intact!

So today will be Day 2 of Bumming At Home (because church is at the indoor stadium today and I don't wish to wrestle with the crowds), and I'm looking forward to work on Monday and Tuesday because it's double pay for me (I think) (and come visit me!), and then I'll be meeting the dancers and starting contemp practices, with Elisa's and Mummy's birthday celebration over the weekend, so this week is shaping up be-oo-tifully for me.

(:

*309 - rewind

Discovered a diary that lasted 2 entries, from when I was 8 years old! Written during my trip to Thailand. So amusing, reading my own narration (Enid Blyton style) of what went on in the aeroplane and at the breakfast table. (Yes, that's my illustration of breakfast!)

I think I shall force my kids to keep diaries, because they would thank me decades down the road. Then again, unlike me, they may not delight over silly little things like that. I tend to make the mistake (perhaps?) of assuming my kids would be little Evelyn-replicas, haha.

-



Now this photo demonstrates the despicable lack of privacy that I honour when it comes to taking pictures.

I see this funky fuchsia-haired lady everywhere in Singapore. At random bus stops, in random buses, at random locations all over the country. Which is quite surprising, even in our little country of less than 5 million souls.

The strangest thing is that she's got a head of bright pink hair, and she's always wearing itty bitty skirts (some even shorter than my itty bitty skirts), and more often than not, skimpy tops - but she's actually pretty old and veiny, and she's always alone, and I do suspect her life has an interesting story behind it.

I very nearly struck up a conversation with her after snapping that photo, but alas, my shyness held me back. Haha. Would probably have been interesting, though.

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Latest 'love letter' from work. Customer's email address, complete with a neat little sketch and an ambiguous line of poetry. (So who's the trampled rose?)

-

Yeah, I still cry over you from time to time. Chatting so comfortably with you about army life and my life and all sorts of random things, made me secretly burst into tears about 3 times.

(Rewind 3 to 4 years ago, and that would be us. Chatting online about everything that mattered, nothing that mattered, for hours and hours and hours.)

And when we decided to go offline at 3 am, you went off to bed, I went off to the bathroom to bawl.

I'm so sorry. I know I handled it in the worst possible way. But I'm so glad you understand why I did what I did. And I'm so glad we're still friends, because Justin you're truly one of the most amazing people I've ever met.

And now I'm bawling again.

*308 - lumix

My new baby.



World's smallest camera with a 28mm wide angle lens. Leica. Image stabiliser. 18 different modes (stranger ones include soft skin, underwater, baby). Versatile functions. Compact and sleek.

AND, of course, she's pink! Sexyyy. I think she's awakened the camwhore in me again, heh heh heh, watch out everybody.

*307 - show your love

Every day should be Valentine's Day (:

I don't mean that in the commercial way, of course - skip the bouquets, skip the chocolates, skip the bling - some good ol' loving melts my heart more than anything else. Lovelovelove to all my friends <3

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To continue with the previous post, here's a little something that put a beam on my face at work the other day!



A scribbled note for the flustered waitress - now isn't that sweet? (:

*306 - looks like morning in your eyes

I think that's about all the emo-ness my blog can take for now. On to happier things, because I am happy. It's all about being liberated, being free to do I want, having the time to meet up with whoever I wish to meet. I always believe that God is guiding all my actions and if the 2 of us were meant to be together, He'll bring us back together again, and if the 2 of us weren't, He'll bless us with the right person at the right time.

Some people may scoff, but I believe "The One" exists. Because my God provides and He will give me the perfect partner one day. It might take me a few more tries before I get the right man, who knows, but there will always be something precious to take away from each relationship. I have full faith in my Daddy in heaven (:

So darlings I'm fine. Thank you so much, for the comfort in the form of SMSes, emails, phonecalls and conversations, meetups, or sweet little notes on my tagboard. I don't know if I managed to reply to every single SMS or email but please know that I treasure all of you a lot. Thanks, friends.

-



It's moments like these that keep me going on tiring nights at work.

Being invited to take a photo with a birthday boy (nope, I had never met him before).
Being flirted at by the guys (and once, a group of giggly girls).
Even being mock-flirted at and asked for my number by a guy who already has my number hahaha, you know who you are :P
Meeting friends by surprise and giving them discounts.
Learning to recognise one or two of the regular customers who now say 'hello' to me.
Making friends on the job.
Serving a dessert I just prepared and hearing the customers squeal over how pretty it is.
Getting tips hahaha. (Not so much for the money because a couple of dollars is nothing much really, but more about the fact that I just made someone happy enough to leave a tip.)
Looking at the comments cards and seeing ticks in the 'excellent' column for 'service'.
Being patted on the shoulder and earnestly thanked for my service.

I suppose that's the joy of being in the service industry. From experience, reeeeally nasty service can piss me off for hours (and once or twice it's been so bad that I've actually written in to the companies to complain). But it's actually not that difficult to make someone's day, if you just try a little harder. (:

Plus, I really really love making all the pretty desserts (except for the poached pears which never turn out too awesome) and I can't wait to learn to make drinks.

There are some minuses to the job but overall, it's been an eyeopener, I'm finally stepping out of my little Rafflesian bubble and meeting all sorts of wonderful people, every day is different and exciting, I've spoken more (broken) Mandarin than I have in the past few years, and I'm developing arm muscles. Gotta love it. ;) Hahaha.

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And today was a good day because for the first time in 3 or 4 days, I finally got to see and talk to Mummy for more than 30 seconds. (:

And I get to dance later, albeit by myself because Maddy's ill, but it's still dancing! Plus, it's my one and only form of exercise nowadays. I can't remember when I last swam or went for a jog. Oh Evelyn, you pig, and you still dare to complain that you're growing fat and ugly!

*305 - live to love

I built my world around you. My schedule fit into yours. Your friends were mine. Even your family became mine. When you were sad, I was too. When you were happy, I was happy for you.

We all thought it would be forever. Didn't everyone? It all looked so shiny and perfect on the surface, but inside me, it was breaking into pieces.

I'm so sorry. I'm a monster, I know. I hope you're okay. Tell me you're okay. And don't lose faith in love.

-

I need someone to teach me how to use LJ. I miss my diary-x with it's handy "locked" functions.

*304

Inundated with comforting words from the unlikeliest of people and of course, the friends who matter. Thanks everyone, I don't think I appreciate all of you enough. (:

*303 - no such thing as forever

Five days before two and a half years, and I called it off.

You heard me right, I mean what you think I mean.

Need to meet up with all my friends desperately. Text me? It's not something I can explain here or in an SMS.

& I'm okay.