*556 - bang bang

The next few weeks are going to be rough. Had a panic attack in the middle of Financial Accounting this morning, with dear Raina beside me commanding me to "talk it out, Evelyn, talk it out!"

A crazy amount of work due, plus the fact that I have late-night rehearsals galore and 3 performances this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Today's tech rehearsal dragged on an hour later than expected. Tired.

But the real reason why I'm so glum right now isn't so much work, or physical tiredness. It's mostly because I'm insecure about my role in the performance. It used to be that I was confident, having fun. But today it turned into a struggle to be noticed. I think it was largely because of your offhand comment to that our trio section was mostly about you messing around with D. It's as though I might as well not be there. And I can see how excited you are with dancing with D, always discussing new ideas and trying out moves, because you have some raunchy thing going on there in the dance with the whip and sexiness and everything, which is infinitely more edgy than my stage relationship to you. The thing is, I want our duet to be amazing in its own way too, but it can't be if you don't value my role in the dance. And all that makes me feel as though I'm not good enough.

Sigh. Just being insecure here. Now back to work I go!