*550 - whine?

Even the most beautiful things become ugly when you bury them under shadows and lies.

It'll always be beautiful to me, though.

You know what I want.

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I just discovered that I don't like pumpernickel. And I'm very disappointed that they swopped aluminum foil with wax paper for the rolls. The only reason why I started taking the rolls (free with every salad!) was that I got to scrunch them up in foil. I love how the foil came in little sheets just the right size, how I could grab a roll and haphazardly wrap it up with one hand in two seconds, and how the foil would stick nicely to the roll and turn out smooth and shiny each time. Where is the joy in wrapping rolls up in big sheets of wax paper which doesn't adhere to anything?

And can somebody tell me why it went from winter to spring (for a few happy days) and back to winter? It snowed again last night. And I was so cold I had to bring out the fluffies again, just when I was happily planning to store the winter jackets away for good. Shivered my way to and from class, but the strange thing was that there were kids stubbornly walking around in t-shirts or miniskirts. I would love to join them in their rebellion against winter but it's too damn chilly for that.

I'm upset today.

But I was a good student. I participated in class (whenever I do that, it's because I just want the lesson to end, and I figure if I provide all the answers really quickly, she'll run out of things to say, and we'll all end early, but I don't think it works very well), and I went for econ lecture for what I believe is the fifth time this semester (it was lecture #23 today) (although I'm still skipping section, which I've never gone for in my life, which is part of the reason why I'm scared to turn up now, because I imagine the conversation between the TA and I to go something like this: "Are you in my class? I've never seen you before-" "-me neither", so I probably never will).

Today in class I drew a smiling boyfriend flower and a smiling girlfriend flower holding leaves (hands) under a rainbow, with an ear of corn a few graphs away from them. They are going to have to uproot themselves and slide down treacherous unemployment curves to make their way down the page, if they want the corn. I should have drawn an easier path for them to follow, because they really want the corn. But I think they'll manage, because they're smiling and they're holding leaves (hands) under a rainbow.

I've changed my mind. I used to raise an eyebrow every time we analyzed text in nitty gritty detail because I always thought that writers probably didn't hide little nuggets of meaning in every other word for us to uncover and why can't we just read the text for what it says to us? But now I think they do bury meanings in their words, balancing on the points of the A's and resting on the curves of the B's and slyly lurking behind the C's. We can guess all we want, but we'll never know for sure what they're hiding.

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Two hours later, and I find myself weak with what began as a splitting headache last night which never left but instead grew into a full body throbbing today. I give up.