*174 - pre-prelims

Today, I did my first Chem Paper 3 practice and I finished it 45 minutes before the time was up, because I kept skipping questions I didn't know how to do. I calculated my marks (generously, I should admit) and now I'm scared, scared, scared. How to aim for an A when I'm perpetually nearly-failing?

The Math practice papers have been teetering on the edge of just-about-decent and unsatisfactory. Very risky.

And today was the first time in 3 days I actually saw my dad, because I've been coming home pretty late nowadays. Studying in school is more productive than studying at home, because the instant I step into the house, I am unable to do any form of work whatsoever. And studying in school is never short of entertainment, at least, if you're studying with a bunch of ruggers. (That is both good and bad.)

I really really don't enjoy studying. I wish I could be up and about doing something I enjoy instead of struggling with disgustingly useless things like turning one complicated trigo equation into another complicated one (what's the point, pray tell me), or figuring out the pH of a buffer solution, or memorising formulae like F = 1/2 Cd pAv^2. Like, who cares, man.

I want to quit school get married and spend the rest of my days making pretty earrings galore.

Well, perhaps not.

Mugging hasn't been great, I mean, it's one thing to read through all the stuff, but it's another to be able to apply the information to the questions and put the formulae to use. That's always the problem, isn't it? Plus, my attention span is getting shorter and shorter, I don't know how I'm going to get to the end of all the 3-hour-long papers without getting getting bored first.

I shall go to bed early tonight, because I am aware of the disaster that ensued during the last Math paper from a fitful night's sleep. The phase of insomnia has passed (oh, it was terrible), so I'm hoping for the best (:

Strange gurgly frothy noises coming from downstairs. I believe my brother is making chocolate meringue. It is no wonder, looking at the amount of food I've been consuming, that I've been diarrhoea-ing daily (it's the really gross painful liquidy kind of diarrhoea too), because all the rubbish that has been going in has got to come out somewhere, doesn't it?

So, the papers start tomorrow, and I haven't even got a panic attack yet! (The grumpy tantrums don't count.) I've only cried once over my work recently, I think, and that's quite a feat, don't you agree. But even as I type this, I'm getting increasingly stressed out about the fact that I should be more stressed out because, like, HELLO, the PRELIMS are beginning TOMORROW and I am fantastically UNPREPARED and omg I just worked myself into a frenzy and my heart is pounding (atrial systole! ventricular systole!) and I think I shall be off to do some last minute cramming and God bless all of us.