When he told me that he loved me
How unmoved and cold I must have seemed
When he said it so sincerely
Why, he must have asked
Did I just turn and stare in icy silence?
What was I to do? What can you do?
when a love affair is over?
Now he's gone away and I'm alone with
The memory of his last look
Vague and drawn and sad, I see it still
All the heartbreak of his last look.
They keep cutting our hours. Turns out that this week, I'm only going to be earning a meagre $45. That's even less than what my allowance used to be.
Thinking of finding another job.
Woke up with big fat double eyelids (they're usually more foldy than that) this morning. I miss Liru, who would have taken one look at me and known that I bawled up a storm last night, while noone else would have noticed a thing.
Sometimes, you go to sleep, and wake up, and everything's sunshiney again.
Today isn't one of those days.
Cry, do some rubbish, cry, go to sleep, wake up, cry, cry, cry again.
I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't get it. I can see your underlying intentions. It's not just about that, is it. But I don't get why you have to do it that way. Why tear away the one remaining thing that I'm clinging on to so tightly now. The one thing that keeps me sane, the one thing that keeps me happy even though a huge part of my life just crumbled away. Do you realise how much this is hurting me? Do you realise how painful it was for me to break off from a relationship and how much it took for me to stay smiling? Maybe if I had a nervous breakdown and developed a psychological disorder and sobbed myself into a useless puddle for at least a few weeks, you might be a tad more compassionate and understanding now. Does choosing happiness over depression indicate flippancy? Does it mean I'm just toying with boys and making rash decisions? Shouldn't you be happy that your daughter is handling her emotions so well? Or would you rather her miserable and broken? Just to prove something to yourself? Don't you want me to be happy?
But what hurts me most is that the trust that you once placed on me seems to have vanished.
I'm trying to do everything right, but everything's just going wrong.
Lord, what am I supposed to do?