*1283 - tipping point

Mind over matter.  Sometimes that is all it takes--a big bludgeon that makes your head swim, knees collapse, and eyes water, and then picking yourself up and seeing things from a different perspective.  That bludgeon didn't make sense, it wasn't fair, whatever, put it behind you and figure out the strategy that gives you the most peace.  I've found my peace, I'm not doing anything differently outwardly, but it's all about how you process it in your mind.  You can look at it as a debilitating strike or you can look at it as an opportunity.

*1282 - croissant vs. tiramisu

*1281 - blind

The bitter irony of removing your contacts and then searching around blindly for your glasses.

*1280 - neither here nor there

Ironically here in the middle of Arkansas, through a colleague's colleague's colleague I found myself invited to a dinner table-ful of Chinese girls (not what I was expecting when I turned up, was very surprised) and now have more Chinese friends than I've had in ... years.  And this is ironic because SF is 1/3 Asian but the ones I do know are pretty much fully acculturated.

So here I am reminded yet again that I am neither here nor there.  The Chinese friends have to switch to broken English to communicate with this girl here who looks perfectly Chinese but can only understand slightly and definitely not speak the language, they hang on tightly to their roots while I'm virtually culture-neutral, they actively seek and feel at home with people from their background while I feel generally out of place in either situation.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Asian roots, I love my Asian food, I'm proud of my country in many ways and still call it home.  But I embrace parts of where I am right now and have adapted to where I am in multiple ways, and can adapt back to an extent whenever the situation calls for it.  It's an internal struggle of feeling authentic and wondering who I would be if ever dropped into in a vacuum of context.

*1279 - faux hangover

Danced the night away until an absurd hour in the morning (absurd for my aging body, that is), which also woke me up ridiculously early this morning, such that I feel like I have a bad hangover even though no alcohol was imbibed last night.  Need a long soak in the bath today.

Returning from two weeks in Italy has been a rude awakening.  Plunged straight back into work with a long-lasting cold to boot.  But yes, it was as lovely as you would imagine it to be! :)

*1278 - from Venice

Testing out mobile blogging while in Italy. Wonder how this picture is going to turn out:

Imagine living in the rolling hills of Tuscany! What a different lifestyle. Market research? Wha...? What kind of obscure lifelong dream is that?? Here, you own a little b&b, produce wines, grow herbs, eat cheese, pluck olives, live simply.

We are now on the outskirts of Venice, after spending time in Rome and Tuscany. Tomorrow D joins the 'rents and I, and we explore Venice for real. I think it will be lovely. All the places we have visited so far have been so different, with so much character.

*1277 - back and forth

Missing this boy:

(On a boat to Angel Island)

 

Missing this kitty, with her little fang poking out:

 

And if you can tell, missing my G11 and have been relying on camera phones of late, because it got destroyed in Costa Rica and has not been able to be resuscitated since.  It was a blessing in disguise because I decided to make the leap into the DSLR world, only because the bodies are getting smaller and smaller these days and you won't believe how light the Canon EOS SL1 is!!  Tiny, feels good in my G11-accustomed hands.  I really wanted a Nikon so that I could borrow equipment from the siblings, but weight trumped everything.

 

So I'm one month into my back and forth schedule.  Mon, Sep 9: Flew to Arkansas.  Fri, Sep 20: Flew to SF.  Mon, Oct 7: Flew to Arkansas. Thu, Oct 17: Fly to SF.  Sat, Oct 19: Fly to ROME!!  Sun, Nov 3: Fly to SF.  Tue, Nov 5: Fly to Arkansas.

 

Most people are sympathetic and commiserating and yes, dealing with the 8-10 hours of travel each time I fly (including taxi's, layovers) is not the best thing in the world.  But think about it, I essentially get a day off once a week or so--yes, spent awkwardly in a plane seat and sprinting through airports, but think about all the reading and snoozing I'm catching up with--and ultimately doing something that I really enjoy doing.  It's been very hectic and terribly stressful because I've been running a one-man show while training others, but once they're trained and can work independently alongside me, it's going to be much better.

 

For now, this little town is a far cry from the big cities I am used to, but the nice thing about little towns is that the people are amazing and also a far cry from people in the big cities I'm used to.  There's a great little group that I go social dancing (salsa, bachata, merengue, etc.) with regularly, and have been invited to all sorts of things I would never get to do in SF like tubing on a lake on new friends' personal boats, going to a corn maze with a petting zoo, etc.  My biggest complaint though is that the food here sucks (I generally have hated everything I've eaten out so far, maybe with the exception of fried chicken and pretty good BBQ) and there are no dance studios for adults besides for ballet (which I no longer dare to do) and latin/ballroom, i.e. no contemporary dance, though there's a pole studio I'm not particularly fond of but try to attend because it's cheap and hopefully will help me retain some arm strength.  Shrug.  That's why I decided traveling back and forth would keep me sane and give me the best of both worlds.

*1276 - it's been a while

First time doing Latin social dance in years, in Arkansas of all places.  It was refreshing and has left me with a twinge of sadness wondering why it hasn't been a big part of my life for the past couple of years.

1275 - how to eat out alone

The thought of eating out alone at a nice restaurant for the very first time tends to be absolutely terrifying.  It's something we have been primed to avoid and have taken great measures to prevent the solo meal situations.

But it's a good barrier to hurdle if you travel alone (for business, for fun) or just need to bust out of social norms for the kick of it.  I was freaking out the very first time a couple of weeks back when I decided to take a break from work and eat at the fanciest place in town (which has been very hit or miss since I've been there twice now; more on that another time).  It turns out that I had a nice relaxing and unawkward dinner, with my only complaint (besides the food) being perhaps a bit of boredom.

1. It's ok to sit at a table; you don't have to slink off to the bar where it's more "acceptable" to be a solo diner there, unless you prefer sitting at the bar to have some company.

2. Unless you have a good view / there's a TV (which there probably isn't if you're in a nicer place), if the atmosphere permits, consider reading material for parts of the experience that are not as interesting e.g. when you're waiting for the dish to arrive or between courses or waiting for the check.  It did get a little dry for me personally even though I was in a museum-ish restaurant with interesting pieces displayed.  Fiddling with your phone just feels a little sad.

3. Servers / restaurant employees are TOTALLY used to working with solo diners so they don't bat an eyelid.  In fact, they're probably going to be more sensitive and attentive to your needs.  And who cares what other people think?  They're probably wishing they could be as self-assured and secure as you are.  Especially when you're a young, Asian lady in a Southern town.

I've done it twice more since that first experience and while I would never choose to dine alone at a restaurant if I had D by my side, I might actually say that in some specific situations, I might actually pick dining with myself over dining with others.  (These situations mostly relate to my introverted personality where big groups of acquaintences wear me out.)  (By the way, it's getting really cool to be an introvert nowadays, and I love it.)

Give it a shot!  You might hate it, but at least you tried it.

Bad iPhone pictures from my first experience at The Hive--a new, fancier, hip restaurant in downtown Bentonville that serves up "refined" Southern food.  I've been there twice and there were okay dishes and big misses.  I don't think I would return and I would probably not recommend it.  Their value prop is promising but they don't deliver.  I really want to like them ... there aren't many "refined" places here.  Alas.

Crispy chicken livers.  I didn't mind this, but had to peel off the breading at the end because it was pretty heavy.  Good counterpoint to the slightly bitter greens though.

Scallops: inedible at best.  I suffered through maybe one and a half out of politeness and cut the remainder up into pieces to pretend that I had worked on all of them.  They were gooey rubbery and tasted weirdly metallic.  I've never tasted scallops, or anything for that matter, like that before.  The bed of eggplant puree underneath it was really bitter so I think they should have peeled their eggplant first.  I'm not big on beans so I didn't like their vegetable medly either. 

 

Cool atmosphere though.  It's right by a little gallery so some of the quirks made its way into the restaurant, including large green penguins which I almost wanted to drag to my table so that I would have a friendly green companion.

*1274 - long night

I have been in this situation before--being on that fine line hovering between being only slightly tipsy, but just ever so slightly over the optimum level of tipsy-ness to do excellent work, at 10 pm when there's still a full night's work ahead of me.  I don't want to risk it.  Big gulps of water and maybe some handstands to rush the blood to my brain?

Yes, second "official" day in Bentonville and was taken out to dinner by the big 'uns.  Having a good time so far.

*1273 - pole education

Again, pole dancing does not mean strip club.  It can be very beautiful.  Unfortunately, I don't think it has quite caught on in Arkansas so I'll have to crowd in the lessons whenever I'm back in SF.  Ever since the last recital, I've been dropping off a little in terms of taking regular classes, but hopefully an attempt at working out will help me maintain a wee bit of the strength I've gained so far.  Who am I kidding ... my only forms of working out are strictly anything that requires pointy toes and and pretty lines.

*1272 - kids

I've been flying a lot lately and I know that I would absolutely pay a premium price to sit in a no-kid zone.  I think travelers with kids/babies should be saturated in a sound-proof section of the plane where they can wail and throw tantrums in a vacuum from the rest of us.  My latest flight unfortunately involved a brat in front of me, a crying little ’un behind me, a very young baby shrieking a few rows back: way too many.  This may become more tolerable one day when I have a young 'un of my own but for now, no thank you, please keep them away from me.  Too bad I forgot to bring my earphones ...

*1271 - food flags

I think this is awesome!

*1270 - labor

I finally birthed my 90-slide report of pure insightful data today.  It's been a month in labor for this report on top of everything else I'm working on, and while I am that dork who finds joy in producing excellent work yada yada, BOY WAS THAT TIRING.

*1269 - it's official

Big news for me.  It's now official.

Just accepted a position within my company to travel for two to three weeks for every one week in SF to the boonies of Arkansas for the next six months, which sounds pretty scary/awful but it's a great career opportunity.  I'll be consulting with clients and will be the face of the program I've been managing for a couple of years ... my baby project.  Exciting stuff.

Hanging out with S yesterday, whom I've been fortunate enough to have as my early days career mentor and now my life mentor now that we no longer work in the same company, and realized over spiced Mexican chocolate ice cream that precisely yesterday was my three year anniversary at MaPS.  Three years!  Some of my peers aren't even out of school yet.  But three years!  That's it?  It's not an exaggeration to say that most people in this field take double that time to get to where I am.  Yes, we work very hard to get there, but we do it because we love what we do.

All my life, I've been living expedited towards the idealized "excellence", and I don't know when I would slow down and take a breather for myself.  It's not a rat race because there's nobody I'm racing against besides myself.  Maybe that's okay, for now.

*1268 - nuggets

Some days, even the likes of Alexander's Steakhouse and Jardiniere fail to tickle our fancy and what we really want is ...

A good ole plate of chicken McNuggets.  Delicious when tamed with (homemade) smashed sweet potatoes and steamed broccoli and served on a porcelain plate.  I'm sure kids (and probably D) beg to differ but a full meal consisting of deep-fried ground chicken gizzards / bones / beaks / fat / feathers / poop / toenails / slight bit of real meat + french fries + soda??  Ohh, nasty, not happening.

*1267 - ducky

Jardiniere: one of SF's celebrity chef-owned restaurants (Traci des Jardins) and our pick for celebratory dinner #2 of 2.  I fell in love watching her on Top Chef and we had to go try out her food.  Some time in the future they should have multi-sensory TV programs where you can smell or taste food prepared on cooking shows to see what it is people on TV are gushing over ... I always suspect that people hosting cooking shows are lying through their teeth when they are in raptures over what that prepared.  I look at the ingredients and I'm like ... meh ... how can it possibly be that great.

I digress, because Jardiniere was quite magical.  We may have been half the age of the next youngest person in the restaurant; everyone was having their pre-theatre meal before heading off to the opera next door.  Yup, made us feel real fancy.

Chacuterie that came along with a basket of many different types of breads and crackers; sadly, I enjoyed the rabbit the most.  Ack.

Scallops; sadly, we both agree I tend to make scallops that better suit our tastes.  My preference is for scallops to be as undercooked as possible. This was not a fav.

Garden peas and mushrooms with a thoughtful sprinkle of crispy rice thingies that added a nice texture.


This was really interesting.  Pasta with strawberries and duck tongue.  The strawberries were meant to look like the traditional tomatoes you find in pasta but with an interesting new taste.  Very interesting indeed.  It might also have been my first time eating duck tongue, of which at least 20 ducks' worth in this dish.  That's a lot of ducks.


And then more duck, but a very different sort.  Breast and confit and some delightful fruit on the side that went really well with the dish.  Evidently, we both really enjoy duck.


Pleased as punch.


Also pleased as punch.

*1266 - "rustic" carrot cake

I know I have mentioned it so many times before but I'm always amazed at my carrot cake recipe which has never failed to please a crowd.  Even baking it for the first time in years in SF, with a whole different set of ingredients (make up of flour, salt, etc. all change and affect the final product when you're using different brands) yielded perfect results.  It is a very forgiving recipe.  One of my go to's when asked to bring dessert, along with my spiked banana cake.

Am quite pleased that you can even see the little spots of vanilla bean in the cream cheese frosting!  I don't actually know how to frost cakes--I'm terrific at cupcakes, with a piping bag, but big cakes?  No time for using a teensy piping bag, no icing spatula in kitchen repertoire, no knowledge nor desire to produce professional-looking cakes ... hence my "rustic" cakes.  "Rustic" is one of those euphemisms you should look out for in real estate descriptions (along with "cozy", "potential", "compact", "unique" ...), which we are very well-educated on at this point, but really I do think it makes for a cute little cake.  Sprinkle a handful of walnuts on the top to take the mind away from the imperfections, and voila!  Rustic.  And delicious.

*1265 - salty

Yes, this was some weeks back.  Celebration #1 of 2 (job-related) at Alexander's Steakhouse.

The sound of a "steakhouse" doesn't usually inspire culinary excitement in me but this was really interesting stuff.  A lot of molecular gastronomy and very thoughtful dishes.  Among my favorites, the renown hamachi shots!  Avocado, little garlic balls, ponzu sauce, lime ... perfect little mouthfuls.  Mmm.

 

We splurged on wagyu and were greeted with a delightful platter of 12 different salts.  There was a very interesting smelly pick sulfuric one that was a little nasty if you took a plain lick of it, but when combined with the beef: eggs and steak!

 

A lovely treat and really impressive food experience--and I am not easily impressed.  There was just so much care put into every little dish.

Across us was a table with a handful of little girls and their parents ... I'm excited for the day I have enough money to regard a $50 meal for my handful of little kids who wouldn't care less if they were eating wagyu vs. a frozen beef patty as no biggie.  Privileged kiddos.

*1264 - am I alive?

Yes, but just barely. Spent a week in Costa Rica, sure, but everything leading up to it (two random debilitating ailments, and I'm not a sickly person; and much to think about at work) and right after it (plunged straight back into work, which is ok, but also plunged into a host of team issues and possibly the most stressful career decisions I have had to make yet) pretty much negated any relaxation my mind benefited from during the holiday. The amount that this company packs into you so very tightly in such a short amount of time is mind blowing, which works out great for your career and personal satisfaction, depending on your personality and ambition, but boy do I find it tough to ever take a break from it, even if I'm on a break physically.  My three year (work) anniversary is coming up next month and it feels like that number should be much much smaller and much much larger.